As so many of my readers know, in 1994, my son, Nicholas, failed first grade. I knew the event was traumatic for him since he wet his pants and bit his fingernails daily. He could not dress himself for school. So many signs were there that the year was traumatic, but I failed to see its depth.
Twenty-four years later after Nicholas completed his Ph.D. in 2018, I asked him about his first grade experience. I knew he remembered that year—but I was in utter shock as I watched tears run down his face. His tongue went round and round in his mouth, but no words emerged. I realized this event was so traumatic Nicholas could not psychically speak about it.
Talking more recently on the Dear Dyslexia podcast with Shae Wissell with Nicholas helped confirmed the reality of trauma. Shae asked me to describe Nicholas's early learning, which I did as Nicholas listened. Then Shae asked him, "What does it feel like to hear that story?"
"Oh," Nicholas replied, "that didn't happen to me; that was someone else's story."
When a child is in a “survival” state, learning will not occur.
When people have negative emotions or impulses, they often look for ways to cope with these unwanted feelings. Unlike the conscious coping strategies that we use to manage daily stress, defense mechanisms operate on an entirely unconscious level.
Displacement, like many other psychological defense mechanisms, often occurs subconsciously, and the person is not aware they are doing it. That was the beginning of my realization of the impact of trauma on Nicholas.
As I share our story, I've met other parents who have said, "I cannot like your success story. My son failed and continued to fail throughout his school years."
I suggested we share their stories through blog posts. I waited for responses, but nothing came, despite repeated requests. That's when I realized that it was trauma stopping them from writing. It might be a combination of dyslexia and trauma—the struggle to write effectively and constant battle throughout the school years.
My sister Lenore, a psychiatric nurse with an interest in trauma, alerted me to the damage done by stress and trauma. She recommended books and articles and the patterns emerged.
The law requires we send our children to school. Yet, we don't expect that when our children fail to learn to read as one should, they face traumatic experiences that can impact both the child or family for life.
Because of this, I knew a long-term series on the relationship between learning and trauma could benefit parents and educators. And thus my series, “When Learning is Trauma,” began.
